Check out this very interesting blog post on language & breastfeeding.

Baby notes:
-Regular social smiles & amusing vocalizations (Coooooo! A-oooooo!)
-Regularly sleeping for a 4-6 hour stretch each night.
-Getting a little better about naps (though today was a notable exception!)
-Prefers to be out & about to being at home...if he's crying as we get ready to go somewhere, he stops as soon as we get out the door.
-Still struggling with gassiness or some other source of pain while/after feeding...milk oversupply? Food allergies/sensitivities? (We're pretty sure that I can't drink cow's or soy milk or eat peanuts.I miss PB&Js.)

Mommy notes:
-Watching too much daytime TV while nursing.
-Managing to shower daily.
-Trying to manage expectations of self...not always doing this well.
-Still adjusting to the transition from full-time work (even though I stopped in June) to SAHMing. This is hard as hell sometimes. A lot of my identity was tied to my work, and that's gone now (or at least very much on the back burner). I intellectually know that what I'm doing now is an extremely important, worthy, and challenging job, but emotionally, it's hard not to buy into our culture's perception of being "just" a mom.

Hey, peeps...

GO VOTE!!!

kthxbai

Yesterday morning, our dear Benjamin left this world for a better place where he won't suffer any more.


We love you and miss you, Benji-boo. You brought us a lot of happiness and laughter in the five years we had together.

My Birth Story

Christopher was due on September 14, but he had other plans. I woke up at 4:30 a.m. on August 25 with what felt like intermittent cramps in my extreme lower back. After lying there for a while and pondering the possibilities, I got up to check the pregnancy books and determine whether I was experiencing prelabor contractions (which can happen days or weeks before labor) or the real deal. Alex woke up a little later to find me pacing the living room and downing massive amounts of water to see if that would relieve the discomfort. Nope.

More pacing, a hot bath, breakfast, and a half hour of contraction-timing later, I started making the phone calls: my doula, the birth center, my mom. It was definitely not time to go anywhere yet, but since nothing was alleviating the contractions, I was more and more convinced that I was in labor. I puttered around the house that day, did a little laundry, and otherwise tried to take it easy. The contractions got more uncomfortable and made getting a nap impossible. I talked to my midwife late that afternoon and described the contractions, and she told me to get on my knees and lean over some pillows to encourage Christopher to turn, because it sounded like back labor (baby facing he wrong way & putting pressure on the tailbone). Fun.

After leaning over an exercise ball through Wheel of Fortune & Jeopardy (nice distractions), the midwife called and told me to come on in and she'd check my cervix. Turns out I was dilated 4 centimeters at that point, so we settled in at the birth center for the night. I need a completely separate post to extol the virtues of the birth center, my midwife (Jill), and my doula (Tiffany), but one huge plus was being allowed to eat during labor. We'd picked up Zaxby's on the way, and I also downed a huge jug of Gatorade over the course of the night.

I'd read that women often lose sense of time during labor, and I did. The discomfort I'd been in all day got more and more intense, and I walked laps through the halls, leaned over a ball, etc., but the contractions weren't getting any closer together, and I couldn't seem to dilate beyond 7 cm. Jill wanted to break my water to move things along since I seemed to be stuck, and she said I could get in the birthing tub afterwards. I had been excited about using the tub since it seemed like it would be so much more comfortable.

Thing is, the contractions got very intense and very painful after my water was broken. I'm sure I was not a pretty sight. If Jill hadn't checked and told me that she could feel Christopher 's head, I was ready to sell my soul for some pain meds. If I'd known how much longer it would actually be, I would have definitely begged for them. Sometime in the tub, I started pushing during the contractions. Someone would give me a spoon of honey occasionally to help me keep my energy up, and I'm told that I got a little second wind with that. I had gone through Hypnobirthing training with Tiffany, and though I was nowhere near as tranquil as the women in the videos I'd watched, I tried to just go inside myself during the contractions, focus on the fact that they were bringing Christopher closer to me, and, not use any negative self-talk (the hardest part of it all, I think).

Things get a little fuzzy in my mind...the nurse helped me to the bathroom since I hadn't peed lately (remember all that Gatorade?), and I couldn't go. Nothing would happen. Jill had me lie on the bed for a while to push, and she twisted up a bed sheet, held one the end, and had me pull on the other end through the contractions while I pushed and Tiffany and Alex held my feet so that I would have something to bear down against. Apparently the top of Christopher 's head kept crowning, then slipping back in when I stopped pushing. His head was cocked slightly, which was a big part of the hold-up. He was also putting pressure on my ureter, which is why I couldn't pee, but my full bladder was in his way. Jill finally said they'd have to cath me.

I never thought I'd say this about a catheter, but that was the best thong to ever happen to me. I was in too much pain to even feel it, and maybe two contractions later, Christopher was born. Once his head was out, his body just slid out, and it was a feeling of physical relief I've never felt anything like in my life. Jill and the nurse immediately suctioned his nose and put him on my chest with some blankets, and here's the amazing thing: he didn't cry. He wiggled, he grunted, he looked around, he held onto my finger for dear life, but apparently he had nothing to cry about. That alone makes me so glad that I had a natural birth in a quiet, peaceful setting with minimal interventions, and though it was the most difficult thing I've ever done, I'd do it the same way again.

Last night we gave C his 1/2 mL of Zantac and put him down to sleep on a wedge baby pillow. I know I lay awake for at least an hour waiting for the nightly my-tummy-hurts meltdown.

Never happened.

I am a new woman.

More photos by request






Rough night last night...no one got enough sleep around here. We went to the doctor today & are treating for possible reflux...nothing dangerous, just painful for the poor little pumpkin.

On earning my mommy-blogger credentials...

I have a perfectly good excuse for not having posted for several weeks. His name is Christopher Patrick Tracy.


Life as I knew it was changed forever at 8:43 a.m. on Tuesday, August 26, 2008. (Life wasn't scheduled to change for another 3 weeks, but since when does life stay on schedule?)

The last four weeks have been an endless stream of nursing, changing diapers, nursing, attempting to calm the baby, nursing, re-reading the baby care books, nursing, laundry, and yes, nursing. Not so much sleep in there, you might notice.

Nothing I'd heard or read came close to preparing me for these four weeks. If you haven't been there, I could tell you how exhausting and all-consuming and emotionally roller coastery being the mother of a newborn is, but I doubt you'd believe me. I wouldn't have believed me.

The really crazy thing is that he's worth every bit of sleep deprivation, self-doubt, and confusion. From day one, something I'd never experienced before has felt so right. I am blessed.

Inability to find a comfortable sleeping position...check.

Hands, feet, and legs bloated to cartoonish proportions...check.

Copious indigestion...check.

Half my torso's normal range of motion...check.

Onesies coming out my ears...check.

Unpredictable irrational emotions galore...check.

Carseat installed...OK, as soon as we install the carseat, can I have this baby? Please?

7 things you didn't know about me

Whether or not you actually knew these things depends on who you are, I guess...hubby doesn't count. :)

(Thanks to Jenna for tagging me & shoving me out of my blogging slump!)

1. I just joined the 21st century and bought an iPod with my proceeds from turning 30.

2. Speaking of age, being an August baby means that I was usually the youngest kid in my class, and no one remembered my birthday because it was during summer break (back in the days when school started in late August as God intended.)

3. I'm planning an unmedicated birth and training in self-hypnosis to get ready. (More on that in a later post.)

4. I'm also planning to breastfeed, and the more I read about it, the more I want to become a genuine lactivist.

5. Part of me has always wanted to be an artist. Another part of me has always wanted to be a writer.

6. I knew I was going to marry my husband within two months of meeting him, and we were planning the wedding seven months after that.

7. I started running in January 2007 and actually ran a 5K that Memorial Day. My commitment has wavered since then and has been pretty nonexistent in 2008, but I really want to get back into it when I recover from delivery. It's something I never thought I could do, and it's pretty empowering to actually do it.

I'm not even sure if seven people will read this, so if you do, consider yourself tagged!

I'm dying to make some of these with the random assortment of vintage & clearance-sale buttons in my life...damn you, Joann and Michaels, for closing your Antioch locations so I can't buy plastic canvas without committing to a 15-minute drive!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have definite *baby wiggles*!

'Bout time.

The 24-week MegaBUMP

At this rate, I'm getting a little concerned that he's going to be like his Uncle Matthew (i.e., 11 pounds...eep!)

Other stuff on my mind:

• Cloth diapers: We're going with them for a variety of environmental and health reasons. I had no idea how many kinds were out there! I'm thinking about Green Acres Designs...if anyone out there has cloth diapering experience, please share your favorites!
• Holycrapwe'removingin4weeks!: Packing has finally commenced and will hopefully continue at a suitably brisk yet manageable pace. Though we're packing ourselves, thanks be to God, the church is paying for movers. Starting to pay Savannah rent the first of the month and continuing to pay Nashville rent through the end of July, however, sucks.
• Work: I've still got four more weeks, right up until the day before the movers load our stuff (not ideal scheduling, but so be it). My job has been an amazing experience, and I'm going to deeply miss a lot of things about it, but I'm looking forward to the "new" job. As my mom says, the pay isn't good, but the benefits are outstanding.
• Baby names: This has been the major topic of conversation around here lately. We thought we had one just about picked up, but the first name turns out to be really high on the recent popularity rankings. We have a couple more promising options...will keep you posted when something is definite.
• Childbirth options: I find using a midwife and a birthing center appealing. I need to try to get some dirt on the birthing center in (well, just outside) Savannah before I make a choice. Another thing I'm trying to discern about is drugs (and what kind) versus natural...no epidurals at said birthing center, so the two decisions kind of go together.
  

I'm hopeful that once we get moved & I'm an official housewife/SAHM-in-training, I'll blog more regularly. In the meantime, here's where I'll do said blogging from starting June 18:


It's on the highest end of the price range we were shooting for, but I think we're going to really dig it. It's 5 minutes outside the historic district in a quiet, modest but tidy little neighborhood. Best of all, it's a house. There will be multiple walls, fences, and yard between us and other people. You have no idea how happy this makes us. It has 2 bedrooms, 1 bath, an office, decently big living & dining rooms, the biggest kitchen (with the greenest countertops) I've ever had, an attic, and a big screen porch. Plus, we get this view in our backyard:


That's the marsh - we're maybe a quarter mile from the intercoastal waterway. This also happens to be the west, so we get sunsets from our back porch. Fabulous. Y'all come visit.

Unrelated, lately I feel like a stomach with a mouth and feet (how Tori-ish). My baby bump and accompanying appetite are growing quite exponentially.

Here's Junior!

It's a BOY!

Photos forthcoming...

The big U is tomorrow! Woot, woot!

In other news, many prayers were said around my dad's job interview in Savannah this morning because really, how cool would that be?

Protect breastfeeding!

If you want Congress to pass legislation to protect the legal rights of mothers to nurture their babies without shame or discrimination, please tell your representatives.

My hump my hump, my lovely baby bump...



We're at personal pronoun T-8 days!

I got back from the TESOL convention in New York last night. Aside from losing my backpack on the subway, it was a fabulous if exhausting time. And look who I got to catch up with after nearly 5 freaking years!


In other news - pretty big news, actually - it's about 95% certain that we're moving not to Albany, but to Savannah. This was a big surprise, but not an unwelcome one. Aside from the lesser proximity to family, I think it's about as good a place as we could ask to move in south GA. Next stop...finding a place to live.

I'm a bad blogger. I know.

Latest headlines in the Tracy household:

• 20-week ultrasound & baby gender knowledge on April 18
• News about Alex's appointment any time
• I'm leaving this morning for the TESOL convention in NYC! And I'm going to hang out with Brooke! w00t!
  

The mother of all baby quilts

I spent Easter weekend with Alex, my parents, & my brother. See below for proof of my mom's wicked mad skillz - it's a work in progress. She started this 3 days after I found out I'm pregnant.

Those aren't pre-printed...she appliqued each one. Wow.

Make Mine Chocolate

If you or anyone you know is considering a gift of a rabbit for a child this Easter, please think very carefully first. Rabbits are wonderful companion animals. They are also a serious responsibility. The baby bunnies in the pet store will get much bigger. They need ample space, a varied diet, daily interaction, and regular veterinary care. Thousands of rabbits are abandoned in the months after Easter, adding to the year-round problem of overpopulation.

If you do feel ready to commit to having one of these wonderful animals in your home, please do some research first and contact your nearest House Rabbit Society chapter about adopting a rabbit who is waiting for a "forever home".

Baby update

I had my second doctor's visit yesterday. We heard the heartbeat & all looks well. My 20-week ultrasound is Friday, April 18 (as indicated by the huge red circle on the calendar.) We will love and treasure whatever God's chosen for us, but just in case it helps...think pink!

I'm feeling pretty good these days. My energy level and my digestive system are back to normal. My only pregnancy symptom these days is nasty acne, but if that's all I have to complain about, I'll count myself blessed.

Speaking of God, we're hopeful that we'll hear something soon about Alex's appointment. At that point I'll start picking the brains of you homeowners out there as that becomes our other all-consuming interest.

Hi, world. Not much going on. Just...hi.

I hooped after I finished working today. Due to lack of space in our apartment and my lack of desire to break stuff, I move a table and hoop in the reading lab after the students leave. Thankfully, I haven't been exhausted by the end of the afternoon for the last few days. There's one move that I struggled with when we learned it in class Saturday, and now when I try it, even super-slowed down, it seems like an impossibility of physics. It also wrenches my shoulder.

A serendipitous discovery: "Enter Sandman" is really excellent to hoop to.

Alex was deferred for ordination.

It's a long story & I don't want to talk about it anymore today. Suffice it to say that there's a lot of anger & disappointment going around.

Fortunately this doesn't affect his ability to be appointed to a church, and two particular churches are very interested in him. Hopefully we'll know where we're going sooner than we thought.

I feel really good after going to hoop class, and I'll feel (and smell) even better after a shower.

Alex is on his way to GA for ordination interviews on Monday, so I'm pondering what to do with myself for the rest of the day. I have a bit of work stuff I brought home to get ready for new classes starting Monday. I should also do a bit of cleaning. But first, maybe I'll go to the museum and wander. Or the mall. Museum's probably cheaper.

OK, here's the plan.

June:
-We move to south GA (maybe Albany?) after four years in Nashville.
-Alex transitions from being a full time student (which he's been basically forever) to a full time associate pastor.
-I transition from being a full time ESL teacher (almost four years is a definite job longevity record for me) to being a housewife/SAHM-in-training.

August:
-I turn 30. wtf?
-Our marriage hits the five year mark. Are we supposed to get the tires rotated?

September:
-The baby transitions from being an abstract concept that makes me tired and gassy to a genuine, out-of-the-womb, in-our-face baby. (Granted, I'm sure it'll become less of an abstract concept when I have a huge belly and it kicks, but I'm going with what it feels like at this moment [12 weeks].)

Yeah, we just thought we'd get all the life changes out of the way at once.

Updates

Benjamin is doing so much better! The (new) vet suggested treating first for an inner ear infection, which could cause the head tilt and eye scanning and has the infinite advantage of being treatable. After a few days of antibiotics, his head is upright, the eyes are steady, his appetite is back, and he generally acts much more energetic. Thank God for banana-flavored liquid Baytril.

In other Tracy family news, Alex is preparing to go before the South Georgia Annual Conference of the UMC for his ordination interviews in a couple of weeks. Whether he gets ordained or not, he'll be taking a church appointment & we'll be moving in June, but getting over this hurdle will mean a lot to him.

As for me, I've been pooped today. Apparently my body will be done constructing the placenta soon & I should get my energy back. This week, baby is around 2 inches long (!!!) and is developing hair follicles, nail beds, and sex organs.

I leave you with a sight I just beheld to my immediate left. When she's very relaxed, Maggie flops on her side and grooms her front paws in a way that reminds me of a girl stretched out on her bed & doing her nails. I'd reach over and rub her fuzzy white belly (Maggie's, not the hypothetical manicure girl), but she would never forgive me.

So, there he/she is!

We actually found out from a home pregnancy test on January 1 (which Alex insists I can throw away now that we have pictures!) We decided to keep it on the low-down for a while since it was so early, though immediate families (who didn't know we were trying) got phone calls right away. Now that I've had my first appointment & know that all is well, we're going public (which is a euphemism for shouting it from the rooftops!)

I'm at 10 weeks 4 days according to the ultrasound, and baby Tracy is due September 8. I've been super-lucky in terms of not having morning sickness or other extreme symptoms. I'm tired sometimes, I get indigestion easily, I have some moodiness, my boobs hurt, and I'm breaking out more than usual. All things considered, though, it ain't bad. :)

Oh, and we swear it was dancing on the ultrasound.

After a very good first doctor's visit, Alex and I are ready to go public.

I'm PREGNANT!!!

Ultrasound photo to follow after dinner. :)

Sick bun :(

We think that Benji has E cuniculi, which is a parasite that affects the neurological system. His hind legs seem to just stop working periodically, and then a few minutes later, he hops around like his normal self. That started Saturday, and he spent the day at the vet Monday for observation. Now he keeps holding his head turned to the left - not tilted, just turned - and his eyes move back and forth as though he's reading a teleprompter. Again, it happens for a minute or two, and then he acts normally again. It's hard to diagnose and hard to treat, but we've left a message for the vet asking for some medication to try, even if she' s not sure it will work.

I'm worried about our little guy, and we would appreciate prayers.

Snow day: It's a beautiful thing.

Testing, 1, 2...

I'm starting a little late on my resolution to blog, but it's been an interesting year so far. The things most on my mind are a little private at the moment. Nothing to worry about...all shall be revealed soon. ;)